How To Spice Up Your Sex Life
Well, Variety is the spice of life – and no more so than in the bedroom. If things are getting a little stale, and you feel yourself falling into some predictable patterns, read on! This is your stress-free guide to getting all those sexy endorphins moving again, and invigorating your sex life.
Use these ideas on their own, or incorporate them in a wonderful game for empowering couples – Switch – it’s genuine gold for couples looking to reconnect, break old patterns, or expand their horizons.
Choose your wax wisely, and those romantic candles used to set the scene could come in handy for more than just atmosphere. Wax is a wonderful sensual tool that many people make use of.
It delivers the wonderful intensity of heat, while at the same time being relatively safe if applied properly. The main safety issue is ensuring your wax is safe for use on the skin. Generally most paraffin-based candles are fine, as are soy candles. NEVER use heated bees wax on the skin.
Always start by dripping the wax from high above the skin – at least a couple of meters – then gradually lessen the height of the wax drop to get an idea on where the happy temperature is for the person receiving the wax.
Once you’ve got the application worked out, let your sexy artist out on that beautiful canvas of skin. How and where you apply the wax is entirely up to you and your partner, but do keep in mind, wax removal can be just as fun as the application!
2. Play Fighting
Games! Games and play! In my mind, there’s almost no better way to get things going.
Play Fighting is a wonderful way to physically connect, it gets the adrenaline going, and the inevitable laughter that Play Fighting creates also releases oxytocin – the empathy hormone – lovely for bonding!
One great game for Play Fighters is ‘The Typewriter’, the aim of which is to pin your partner’s arms with your knees, while using their torso as a keyboard to ‘type’ messages of love (or lust, lewdness, limericks…) on their struggling form.
The winner is… both of you. Have fun.
You’ll find some of the basics for your Bedroom Spice Rack in your wardrobe – and yes, putting on your sexy finery won’t hurt, but while you’re there grab a couple of scarves or ties – even a spare suspender belt!
Just be sure to choose items you’re willing to sacrifice to your sensual sexy times; they may not be able to be worn again once your finished with them!
Tying your partner – or being tied! – is an exhilarating exercise in control and surrender.
For some it’s a wonderful opportunity to be passive – being restrained permits them to be fully present in what’s being done to them, without the need for physical reciprocation.
On the other hand, a restraint can also be used to increase activity, inviting an invigorating game of struggle, and getting that adrenaline kicking in. And we like that, as adrenaline is a key ingredient in attraction and arousal.
And seeing you have the scarves and ties out, why not try them out as a blindfold?
Taking sight out of the sensory equation can make an incredible difference to the way we experience sex.
Taking someone’s sight away makes the other senses heightened. The cues normally received from vision need to come from your other senses. Suddenly we’re hyper aware of breathing, and the lightest footstep – we wonder if the air on our skin is a breeze or human movement…
Similar to restraint, blindfolding is all about building anticipation and activating adrenaline, but on a deeper level, when done effectively both these activities also help with bonding and enhancing trust.
5. Sense Play
So now you have your partner all restrained, or blindfolded, or both… What the hell do you do with them?!
Well, look at all that skin – the body’s biggest organ ready for you to explore. Start somewhere new, somewhere unexpected – start in a place you don’t generally sexualise, like the elbow, shin, or Achilles tendon.
Explore it with your fingers and mouth, using your partner’s reaction as a gauge for how long you stay in one spot. Try to avoid any usual pattern, and keep your partner on their toes, with the occasional deep kiss, nibble, or lick. Don’t forget, if your partner is blindfolded, give them plenty of opportunities to hear, smell, and feel your excitement too.
Let them hear and feel your breathing up close, whisper to them what you’re about to do next, and keep their goosebumps coming…
6. Teasing and Edging
Really want to give your partner a thrill? Then stop doing that thing they love; drop back the intensity, move on to another spot, let their swearing turn to mutters and calmer breathing resume while you soothe and settle them, preparing your next move.
Do you build up on another erogenous zone, get back to the one that’s begging for you, or grab everyone a snack? This is the Art of the Tease.
Taking teasing to its orgasmic height is what’s known as Edging – going to the edge of orgasm and pulling it back, and repeating as many times as you can hack it.
If exploring Edging, make sex toys your friend – no one expects you to do all this ‘by hand’. And once you get it right, be prepared for some fairly intense orgasms, both physically and emotionally, and have lots of hugs.
7. Temperature Play
Temperature play is another way we can build up anticipation, kick our adrenals in the arse, and get our endorphins moving, and you don’t need much more than some hot‘n’cold – think ice cubes, hot flannels, spray bottles, chilled cutlery. and grab yourself a hot drink.
Temperature can be used in an array of ways – focused directly on one sensitive spot, alternated to tease, or to soothe and stimulate. It all depends on the feeling you want to give.
Aside from all the opportunities you have to stimulate you partner’s skin directly, you can also use the hot drink and ice to change the temperature of your mouth – now you can literally make your oral even hotter!
For a couple, breaking old patterns and trying new things is an excellent way to reconnect and/or solidify a relationship. It can create the giddy brain chemistry reminiscent of ‘falling in love’, literally reminding you why you fell in love with each other.
If you’d like to learn more about introducing sex toys, read our Sex Toy Guide For Beginners